Real HouseWives of NatSun! : TOTD | Treat your Home, Wife & Mommy Duties like a Job!


Originally posted on NatSun Sept 16, 2011

Tip of The Day (From A Real House Wife!):Treat your home, wife and mommy duties like a job. Get up. Get dressed. Get ready for work each day.

Once upon a time I was just a house wife, then 22 months ago I became a stay at home mom and boy did my world get rocked big time. All of a sudden the time I once had for myself when my husband would leave in the morning was gone! I used to be able to get out of bed, blog a little, read my daily dose of other blogs, check e-mails, sip on a glass of orange juice, and then once I had my fill of BGLH and NatSun I could mosey on to the shower, get dressed, and casually float through my day. 

Not, any more! Once the baby came along there was no longer any time for me. I would be awakened every morning to the sound of my new full time job ringing in my ear, jolting me from peaceful sleep, demanding that I perform. Immediately! My new boss didn’t care if I still had a full bladder that needed to be emptied. He didn’t care if I had showered, had breakfast, stretched, made the bed, read my morning blogs, nothing! All he cared about was having his needs met. 

So, dare I say it, for close to two years, life went on like this. Me being awakened by the screams of my boss rattling off orders in a language I couldn’t even understand. Each morning I was met with a long list of demands!  As a result, I felt completely out of control, unhappy, and discontent with this life I thought I wanted. Wasn’t it my dream to be a stay at home mom? Wasn’t I blessed to be able to stay home with my son and breast feed him and be his first teacher? Wasn’t it an honor to be able to bond with him on a deeper level? 

Why was this fairy tale turning into a night mare?

Truth was, even though I was living the life of my dreams, I was just plain miserable. My husband didn’t seem to notice the effects my new responsibilities were having on me. Each day he would get up and he would get to leave the house and interact with people. He was able to get dressed and go somewhere important while I sat around the house in pajamas feeling like a prisoner with an unbearable warden. He would come home and not even think to offer me a break. I sat there day in and day out and waited for my husband to notice I was still wearing the same clothes I had gone to bed in the night before. I waited for him to offer to take care of our child so I could take a shower, or go get a cup of coffee or go get a manicure or go work out! Anything! As I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into despair, fate would have it that my husband would be sent away for a full two months! 

I was happy and sad at the same time when I found out he would be gone that long. I was dreading the idea of having absolutely no help with my son and no breaks. But then I was happy because I had a strong belief that something wonderful was going to happen in me while he was gone. I just knew it was going to be a time of growth for me.  Boy was I right! What happened in the two months while he was gone was amazing! In order for me to tell it all, this would have to be a book so I will attempt to share the lessons learned and how I have been applying them, which has resulted in a new and improved marriage, and  a new attitude towards my job as a stay at home mom and house wife, one blog at a time. Due to these lessons, I now have joy that once was merely a wish. I now have a purpose and I now get the help I need around the house. You might ask if my husband changed at all and I can enthusiastically tell you that he didn’t. I changed! My behavior, my attitude and my thoughts!

{Allow me to add here, that the biggest change was the change in how I looked at my husband. If I am completely honest with myself, prior to this 2 month break from him, I put way too much of the responsibility for my happiness in my husband and my marriage. I was too wrapped up in my title of wife and mom to the point where there was no me aside from it.  I dressed to please my husband, I worked out to please him, I tried to cook what he wanted to eat.  I tried to grow NatSun to make him proud! I did nothing for me. I just took care of the baby and the house and my man. I was their slave.  All of my worth and identity were in them (and NatSun and Sunshine Products which is a different series altogether (-: ). I worked toward being the best wife and mom,  and tried to mold the best Sunshine around that.

While he was gone I was able to focus back on me.  I also learned that the unconditional, all consuming, overwhelming love and devotion I was working for my husband to give to me, can only come from God. I had to take my husband out of the Sanctuary of my heart and placed God there where he belonged. I learned that only God could love me and care for the way I craved to be loved. And once I shifted my focus away from totally satisfying my husband and being the most perfect mom on the planet I have been able to find balance, rest, peace and purpose!}


The first  (outward) change which has had the greatest impact on me was my decision to get up each day and treat my home and my child like my job. I decided to get up every morning, before my son and get dressed for work!

Allow me to give you the wake up call I was given. If you are a stay at home mom and housewife, that is your job. Imagine you worked at Starbucks, and your shift started at 9am, if you were taking your job there seriously, and wanted to do your best, odds are you would get up in the morning and get dressed for work before your shift started. You would shower and put on your uniform. You might have a cup of coffee (if you are a coffee drinker) or eat breakfast. In other words you would prepare yourself for work. You wouldn’t sleep in your car, in the parking lot and then without washing your face or brushing your teeth, stroll in the front door wearing pajamas and ask your boss what he needed you to do. Better yet, you wouldn’t sleep in your car, in the parking lot, in the clothes  you wore for your last shift and  sleep until 9:05 am  when your boss  would  come tap on your car window to wake you up for work.

I realized this is what I was doing. I was sleeping  until my boss came and tapped on my window and told me I was late for work. Not to mention, the person who signs my checks (my husband) was leaving out for his job every day seeing me, still sleeping in bed as though I didn’t have a job to do.  Needless to say this was not working.



So my rude awakening was, I was doing a poor job! Even though I was consumed by my duties, I didn’t treat my home and my responsibilities like a job. Therefore I was getting poor results and my boss was less than eager to give me rewards or praise for a job well done or vacation time. Just because I was in the house and the baby was still alive after 12 months didn’t mean I was doing a good job. I was just showing up!

So to all of you whose children are sleeping through the night , I want to encourage you to do what I have been doing. It has been working for me and my life has drastically changed as a result.

  1. Get up every morning before your children and  preferably around the same time as your husband (within reason, if he goes to work at 3am you may not be able to do this, but if he gets up around 5am or later, you can do it!) And if you are super motivated, try to get up a little bit before him!
  2. Take a shower!  Wash your face, brush your teeth, make your hair presentable and get dressed. No, you do not have to get dressed like you are going to work in an office, but get dressed for your day. If you are staying home that day and cleaning, put on your cute, I’m cleaning the house today uniform. With an emphasis on the “cute”. Even though you are staying home all day, that does not mean the door bell won’t ring with a surprise guest. Not to mention when you put on something kinda cute, it’ll make you feel better than wearing sweats or pajamas all day. Trust me! 
  3.   Eat breakfast, drink a cup of coffee, read a scripture, pray or do something that is just for you before the kids get up.

Then start your work day! 

Since I’ve been dong this I have seen some major improvements to the quality of my life. 

  • I am much happier when I first greet Shea baby for the day. Since I was able to get up on my own and not be awakened by his screams, I am able to walk into his room in the morning with a smile on my face singing Good Morning baby!

  • My husband, sees that I take myself seriously when I get up in the morning with him. He sees that what I have to do for the day is just as important as what he has to do and I prove it by getting dressed for it. He sees me as his equal and not just someone reaping the benefits of his labor each day.

  • Having a little me time before jumping into work allows me to feel more in control of my day.

Try it! Begin getting up in the morning and getting dressed for work and see if that doesn’t change your out look on life.
During his  two month absence, I made other changes as well and will go into detail in future posts but for those of you who are ready for the whole list, here are the rules I now live with, which have changed my life for the better in more ways than you can imagine.

  1. Take your duties at home seriously. It is your job. 
  2. Get ready for work every day and be up before Dimeji aka Shea Baby.
  3. Don’t be lazy!  Stop wasting time on unimportant things and get to work!
  4. Plan to be baby free____ hours a week and stick to it. (for me, it’s 20 hours)
  5. Schedule  time to be out of the house, without the baby and without your husband (for me it’s 7 hours)
  6. Work out three times a week (out of the house, at the gym for at least 1.5 hours each time) Take your multi- vitamin daily.
  7. Do not cook dinner and wash dishes each and every night, either it won’t get done on the days you take off or the husband can pitch in. You cannot do it all around the house, you are not the maid.
  8. Take Sundays off. No cooking, no cleaning. Only resting and going to church.
  9. Do things for yourself weekly, either take a long hot bath, have a glass of wine, paint your nails, get a pedicure, buy some make up, try a new hair style. Shoot for 72 minutes of me time daily, but don’t be mad if you don’t do it each and every day, just try.
  10. Set a bed time and stick to it. (for me it is 10pm Sunday through Thursday)
*** I had a great time writing this and am looking forward to continuing this series. Are you a Real Housewife of NatSun? Share your thoughts on this!

Comments

  1. You posted this almost one year to the date. I think I was meant to find this! Thanks for the practical advise. I really like this!

    ReplyDelete

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