Learning to be Humble

As I was editing the last post, "Re: I'll Watch Him For Free", I realized that a huge part of my break through, is the need for me to be more humble.

When Wedding Cake Bree and I were at the bakery and she wanted that huge expensive cake, my pride would not let me tell her, I could not afford it.

When Katie offered to watch Dimeji for free, my pride did not want to accept charity, so I asked her how much she wanted to charge me. Truthfully, I don't really have the money at this time to pay her anything, but my pride insisted that I ask her. After all, I wouldn't want her to think I was broke, even though I am.

Over the past few weeks, it has become apparent to me that my pride holds me back from a lot of things, and I need to humble myself or be humbled. I would much rather humble myself than be humbled.

A few weeks ago, when we took  Dimeji out of full time day care, it was a rough transition for me. I sunk into a mini depression and needed some serious help with what I was experiencing.  I humbled myself and called one of my sisters in Christ who I admire as a mom, and I confessed to her that I was drowning. I told her how I felt like a failure as a mom and I told her I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing with Deimeji at all. I admitted, that the day before, Dimeji and I both spent the entire day in pajamas and he actually just had on a pull up and nothing else. I told her I needed her help because she seemed to have it together as a mom.

The first thing she told me was, "No matter what mom you talk to, they all feel the same way you do at some point in time, and most moms feel that way every day. We all feel that we could be doing something better than we are. We worry they are watching too much TV or they aren't eating healthy enough...."

She went on to bless me in ways that I cannot describe! After talking with her, I felt a huge weight lifted off of me. I felt released from the huge expectations I put on myself to be this perfect mom.

It took a lot for me to admit to her what was going on with me. I had to put my pride aside and actually admit to her that I was feeling like a failure. I had to let her in on the secret that even though I look all put together and made up with a smile, behind all that, I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. She is someone I was trying to impress with how "together" I was!

That, and many other things that have been happening, have been showing me the need for humility.

**When I reference me being broke, I am only speaking about myself and my own personal income. I have recently decided to focus back on making my own money and  not living off of my husbands income. Even though, he is okay with supporting the entire family, I am ready to be a little more independent of him and contribute to the household again. So I am merely referring to my own little personal account and the lack of funds therein. M is a great provider!

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