Standing Up For Myself!
Last night I prayed asking God for wisdom about how to handle a situation I have found myself in. Company X, who does work for me did something I did not approve of. I immediately wanted to correct the wrong that was done and I asked my husband what he thought. Of course he was saying I was wrong for desiring excellence. Although he agreed that the work was not done correctly, He said I shouldn't say anything about it.
I felt a little confused. On the one hand I am moving forward in my life and with my business endeavors. I am behaving like a business woman and treating those working with me accordingly. No more tip toeing around, people pleasing, being fearful and trying to be everyones best friend. With that in mind I knew I needed to discuss the situation with Company X and make the necessary changes so that the work would reflect the vision I have for my business.
My husbands comments about it brought up my issues of feeling condemned each time I make a mistake. That part of me that likes to rehash each and every mistake. Fantasize about how bad, wrong, and guilty I am. I couldn't get the condemning thoughts outs of my mind. I couldn't stop tossing them over and over in my mind. So I read some scriptures regarding wisdom. God is my helper and my source of strength. I knew I needed his wisdom in the situation so I went to his word.
I ended up reading and meditating on on James 1:5-8;
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives liberally (generously, abundantly) and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
So I prayed to God asking him for wisdom in the situation. I received it by faith and went to sleep. I was awakened at two a.m. and I felt totally released from any fear surrounding the situation. I knew it was okay to correct the matter and not let it slide just to make Company X feel good and avoid confrontation. I felt peace about it.
This morning as I sat down to study, I noticed an alert that I had a message from Company X. My mind wanted to jump to fear. Did they message me because they knew that I wanted corrections made? Were they mad? I knew then that I needed even more wisdom! I knew I would have to talk to them about it, but what was I supposed to say? This is the first time in my life that I am beginning to speak up for myself and what I want and what I believe in.
I then remembered that I had decided to spend this week studying Ephesians 4: 25-32 so I looked at the notes I took on yesterdays study session. What stood out to me was;
Put away lying , speak truth.
So I knew I couldn't sugar coat the situation when I finally did speak with them. Anything I said to minimize my feelings or sweep the issue under the rug would be a lie. I had to tell them the truth. This was a freeing thought. I have struggled in the past with not feeling valuable enough to have an opinion and to openly state it. My husbands advice to suppress what I actually thought was over ridden by the command to put away lying and speak truth.
Let no corrupt word (words that lower in character, quality or value, the hearer or the person being talked about; words that are immoral; words that are dishonest) proceed from your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification (to encourage moral or spiritual improvement).
In that I found guidelines for how to relay the truth. I knew I needed to express my thoughts in a way that wouldn't belittle them and their work, but build them up.
Normally, in defense to the condemning thoughts I felt, my default response is to be mad about their mistakes. Mad at them for putting me in the position to have to either allow their mistakes to remain although their work did not meet my requirements or do the hard work of overcoming my own fears and confronting them.
Be kind to one another. Be tender hearted to one another. Forgive one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
I knew I had to forgive them and not have any anger or bitterness in my heart towards them. I had to address the problem, then forget about it and not hold it against them. Would this necessarily be the way my flesh , my old self or the world would think I should handle this? Maybe not. But I remember this scripture and feel confident that what I have received in this situation was in fact Gods wisdom;
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
I prayed about it more and now feel confident that I can stand up for my vision and demand excellence from all those who are working with and for me to help build my brand.
When working on a project or just deciding to conduct yourself differently than you have in the past, you may have to come against a part of you that doesn't quite feel comfortable doing something new. That is what this whole situation boiled down to for me. I am used to just letting things slide in order to avoid confrontation. I will try to make everyone happy but dismiss my own thoughts. Or I will allow my past mistakes to make me feel like I am not entitled to demand excellence. "With all the mistakes I have made in the past I should take what I get. Who am I to want or to expect more?"
I can say I am moving beyond that!